New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
