hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
