The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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