I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize