Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
