If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
