i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
