She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
