I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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