you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
