Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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