Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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