did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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