I heard we made out
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize