she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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