so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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