youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
