so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
