i just google imaged poop.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
