Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
