if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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