The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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