She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
