I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
