somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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