u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so let's talk penis.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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