Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
