Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
