tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
