I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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