im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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