just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
