I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
