You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize