Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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