so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
