Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
