Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
either way he was missing a nipple.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And then he peed in my hair
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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