Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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