I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There r osticjed everywhere
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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