Your tits are I can't wait for
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Randomize
