fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
