So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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