yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
