i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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