I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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