At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
