somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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