Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
