i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
