her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize