I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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