that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
