Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
