Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
