my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
