Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
