i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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