she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
