does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
