He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
