My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
