Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
