Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
