i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
